This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
