i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
