Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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