The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
