God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
