fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
