People in love make me want to vomit
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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