The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
