he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
