I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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