sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
