Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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