Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
