...so i touched it.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
