Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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