Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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