i think my tv is drunk
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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