I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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