According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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