She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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