I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
