I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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