i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
