Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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