im holly from the hills drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
