oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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