the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
