I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
