i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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