Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
