we're chasing vodka with high fives
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
