I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
