When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
