Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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