Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
