I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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