how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
