there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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