He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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