i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
