Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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