I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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