She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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