doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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