cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize