i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
