There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
