thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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