You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
