He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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