I'm gonna have a badass scar
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
