I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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