I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
