Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
